A Silly Episode I Had

I was in a chatroom, but I was alone. Totally alone, and didn't know what to do. It was a chatroom from a website for "Lord of the Rings" but it got a bit unpopular a few years after "Return of the King" came out.

So anyway, I was there and no one was in the chatroom, so I decided to talk with myself. My sister read it and thought it was pretty hilarious, spending my time idly. Anyone reading this might not think the same, thinking I have no life and what I said was dumb and unnecessary. But some might like it. Whatever. I'm posting it here. Just for the fun of it (and personally, taking a break from posting serious stuff all the time).

--hi
--i wish more people would come here more often
--and here i am, talkin' to myself
--why?
--because i don't have a single friend to talk to anyway
--is there a moderator here?
--monitoring me?
--if you're here, say something
--talk
--i'm so bored
--lonely
--SAY SOMETHING!!
--ugh
--look at those comments
--Truman, Truman, Truman, Truman...etc...etc...
--GOD! please, is there anyone here who just doesn't have a visible name?
--anyone?
--please?
--one day there was a small bear named Millard
--He liked to eat gummy bears
--why?
--i don't know why
--anyway, he ate gummy bears...
--and one day he fell down a well
--luckily, one of his gummy bears was stuck to his mouth
--the stickyness of the gummy was so strong that when it hit the wall of the well on the way down, it stuck fast
--saved by his own food
--yes, i know it's stupid
--well who do you think i am, Shakespeare??
--Damn, you can be annoying for an invisible friend
--oops
--did I say, "damn"?
--I really meant "Gosh-darn-it-geez-fooey-i-can't-believe-it's-not-butter"
--makin' jokes to myself
--i am such a *bleep*
--*bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
--oooh, that felt good.
--yueah
--*yeah
--i'm correcting my typos to satisfy NO ONE!
--there's no one here, so why do I stay?
--because I'm stupid?
--yes
--yes, I'm am a bloody fool to stay here waiting for no one
--after Return of the King came out, this place started to get scarce of people
--now, I'm the only idiot who still comes here to check and see if anyone still visits
--am I stupid?
--AM I STUPID???
--yeah. i'm a bloody fool
--why the hell--er, I mean, "heck" am I using the word "bloody"?
--I'm not british
--I'm not Aussie
--I'm American
--pure bred
--standard horsepower, genuine leather upholstry
--real American
--yeah
--I'm talking away
--why?
--I'm gonna check out what I've written so far and then I'll make a comment. My comment will be:
--What a fool I am.
--Stupid, dumb, idiotic, foolish, jocular...
--I can't believe it's not butter
--now doesn't that make you WONDER!
--now when I go to the store, I don't know what to believe anymore
--what's butter?
--if it's "i can't believe it's not butter", then what is it?
--margarine?
--slime?
--butter-flavored ****?
--I can't believe it's not butter
--Who's this "I" in the title anyway?
--"I" can't believe it's not butter.
--who said that?
--If he couldn't believe, maybe it's butter, but he just doesn't believe it
--Cynic
--Cynic of butter
--butter goes on bread
--bread is a basic culprit in the scheme of the butter-flavored world
--what the hell does that mean?
--I don't care anymore
--it's like those burgers we're being served
--1,000 cows in one burger
--what if it's like that with pork?
--man, before you ate babe.
--now you eat his family, along with all the neighbors.
--you offended just one pig. now, a colony?
--it's like a dictatorship
--well, no, not that.
--just a...
--a...
--what happens if the movie "Soylent Green" becomes a reality?
--talk about burgers
--i'd rather eat the soylent orange, if you know what I mean...
--if pigs could fly, would it be a different world?
--it'd be harder to eat pork, that's for sure
--would they become "fowl"?
--The new predator
--Hawk, eagle, there's a new bird in town
--pork bird
--and he's hungry
--wow, what if pigs actually preyed after squirrels and stuff?
--Squirrel: Watch out!!!! Porkbird: OOOink, OOOink.
--a new bird call
--imagine waking up.
--OOOink, OOOink, OOOink... WEEIIH, WEEIIH.
--Sweet morning mood
--duck hunters would change their ways
--wobble world
--that could be a new theme park
--welcome to wobble world
--where you can't build a house of cards
--the whole place would quake all the time, hence "Wobble World"
--hey, you could have it, "Wobbleworld"
--that's like trying to say "waterworld" with a speech impediment
--"I wubba wap wobblewold. I woah ip wated au, bup I wuma wap ip amyway!"
--Translation: I wanna watch water world. I know it's rated "R", but I wanna watch it anyway!"
--Now read them together and imagine a guy with this problem.
--Imagine him in school
--Wobbleworld
--where nothing stays still
--talk about toddler heaven
--Take your small child there and see your dreams become reality
--you wonder, how long can he really run around, bounce, kick things, and be crazy till he runs out of gas?
--special booth just for this purpose
--the loon room
--there's a timer and everything. see how long he can go until he passes out in frustration and tires out
--it's like a fun place for kids, and an educational place for parents
--the parents learn how long the insanity will last, so they'll be ready when they get home.
--sure, he/she will be the same, but now you'll know when he'll crash and take a long nap
--"ok honey, time for your nap."
--"but i'm not sweepy!"
--"3, 2, 1--"
--"zzzzzzzzzzzzz"
--Toddler + Wobbleworld = 1 happy parent
--Let's talk about red pickles
--strange, but did you know there are really red pickles in the world?
--bad-ass pickles
--they're the redneck pickles.
--been on the rough side of life
--they're tougher than the regular happy green pickle.
--they roam around. being all red
--I bet if the green pickles and the red pickles had a war, the green pickles would win
--why?
--they've got the "I can't believe it's not butter" ally
--red pickles might have some sourkraut come in at the last moment. save a few warts on their part. but then the green's artillery, the rye bread. that'll sink all the reds back into their slimy pool of bloody broth that they arose from previously.
--thus, the pickle war would be brought to a cold, crunchy end when the "wobbleworld" speech impediment guy comes over and bites his way through a smooth, pickle captain
--I just thought about how sick I'm sounding
--I never even thought for a second, you know?
--kinda got caught up in the pickle battles
--I'll stop now.
--...
--nah, I'll keep talking.
--Balloons
--flying in a helium balloon
--no one thinks about that
--they automatically think "hot-air balloon"
--but take a helium balloon
--the whole day you'd laugh and laugh
--especially if you had a friend with you
--bring a recorder up there
--no, better
--bring a megaphone.
--when you fly over a town...
--yeah.
--People'd look up.
--"What the-?"
--Fly over Washington
--got some important people talking. the president comes out...
--"HELLO DOWN THERE!"
--damn, the chipmunks go global
--fly over tokyo
--they'd love it
--they love anything like that
--fly over london
--parliament dismisses
--comes out, "FOLLOW THE YELLOWBRICK ROAD!"
--see the looks on their faces
--being all superior
--fly over mexico
--they'll think their radios are on too loud.
--fly over Iran
--it's the minaret call for prayer time.
--you could just happen to be in the direction of Mecca
--watch em all get down in the street and pray in your direction
--fly over the congo
--they'll think you're one of their gods
--the new SQUIRREL GOD!
--The zoo.
--During the winter there was a particularly cold day. The zookeepers leave the lions and elephants out since they can stand the weather.
--Sure, THEY think that. Yeah, and then they become desperate. I knew a guy once. He went to the zoo during this day. The lions were at the end of their rope, man.
--Starting to poop all over each other to keep themselves warm. He laughed and laughed and then thought... that's not funny. It was kinda sad.
--These animals are trying to survive in any way possible. The zookeepers were idiots.

----------------------------------------------------------

And then I left. No one came. Oh well...